dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
