i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
