Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
