I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
