You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
