"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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