I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize