I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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