I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
