I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize