Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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