if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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