Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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