The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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