When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Rumble strips road head = magical
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
