I need help removing her.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
