Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
