I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
