toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
