I wish I could teleport
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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