Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
