textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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