New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
