I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize