It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
