apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
