If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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