just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
