she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
4 words: hood of his car
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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