matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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