Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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