She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
