he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
