I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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