____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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