Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize