So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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