I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
