u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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