I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My ass is underappreciated
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
