TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
