I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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