I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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