but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize