Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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