oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize