Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
