Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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