When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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