So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
