Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
