Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
