We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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