I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
