If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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