i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
