she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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