Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need a beard to bite.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
