Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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