The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize