I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they call him Oral-B. enough said
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
