He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
