based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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