swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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