Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize