the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
