I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize