Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
