Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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