There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
