i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
